Have they been eavesdropping?

Using some converted credit card points to shop at a fancy-pants beauty store, I decided to splurge on a different soap and a candle set, and got to choose several free samples as well. It's always fun to have tiny little sizes of things you wouldn't even bother browse in the store; they cost more per ounce than silver, for goodness sakes! Somehow the people at Sephora must know that I've been feeling a little angsty as of late, though, because in my box was also a completely unaccounted for bottle of nearly-black nail polish!) Apparently, it's because I checked a box and became a "Beauty Insider."

There are a lot of blogs devoted to nail color.

Relieved

Today at 5 marked the end of the super-busy season with my job. I cannot believe how unbelievably relieved I was when the weight of the world was no longer on my shoulders. I have a stack of 30 printed pages that were ready to go in case we needed (we did not) them that will now be used as coloring fodder.

busy day - busy season

I think today's datebook was as full for a day as this coming month's is for a month. Today wasn't so bad. I'm a little afraid for the upcoming month, but it was nice to be busy today.

Reflections

It's crazy, having a toddler. They're big enough to get when you're stressed, but not why. I still can't get over what a mirror Ella is... not that she's just like me, but that she shows me how I am. I'm discovering how much of a workaholic I am by relating to her and seeing how short-tempered I am when I'm afraid I'll fall behind on another responsibility - even one that's not that important. I didn't realize that things bled over like that.
I'm glad she brings out the best and weakest in me both. Hopefully someday she will be, too.

Where are the menfolk?

So, I work for an international high school exchange organization. I have 3 students that I'm responsible for and 1 that I am still working to place for the year. I've had several leads that have fizzled out on this, which has been discouraging.

The strange thing that I realized today, though, was that every time I received contact from someone, that person was female. There is one exception from a caller who seemed to think I was looking to rent out a room, although I'm still not sure about that experience, and one from a previous host family where the dad was the driving force, but, although I email the family through him, on the phone I end up almost exclusively speaking with his wife.

This strikes me as funny in such a two-career household environment.

Swimmingly

Yesterday I got invited to the pool with a friend from church. She had just stopped by to tell me something and asked if I wanted to go with her when she went today. I seriously thought of begging out of it, given how I thought I hate going to the pool, but since I don't see her family nearly enough given how close they live, and that I want to get to know her and her kids better, I thought I'd better agree.
But, today I discovered that I actually like going to the pool. Apparently the key for me is a big floppy hat. Really.
I am still seriously stunned that I enjoyed myself. I usually hate how the pool is bright and glary and it's so hot out on the pool deck and you bake in the sun, and, and, and, etc. But they had this shallow little sloping pool where Ella could run, and I could soak a bit and chase her a little... it was so delightful I chatted with Lisa and met another mom with a little girl between our daughters' ages. We ate lunch together in the concessions area. Ella didn't quite know what to make of it all at first, and we really need to work on explaining the boundaries of the infinitely delightful pool, but man - we're going back next week.
File that under things I never thought I'd want to do.

misleading terminology

So, I've been reading a little bit of The Political Mind and thinking about the nature of how terminology frames the perception of a particular topic. Lakoff's thesis is (very loosely - apologies, Mr. Lakoff!) that there are certain relationships between things that become hardwired in our brains through early experiences that are reflected linguistically through deep-seated metaphors (e.g., warmth = love or acceptance; It took him awhile to warm up to me.). We combine these metaphors to create larger metaphors that help us orient ourselves in relationship to other people and concepts. The more experience we have supporting these relationships, the more useful and significant they are for expressing concepts. Conversely, that the more we use these metaphors linguistically, the more they entrench relationships between things in our minds. The political implications that he fleshes out through what I've read of the book so far are that the more we play within the bounds set by the other side's metaphorical view of the situation, the more we actually reinforce their take on the world, by reinforcing the metaphorical pairing within the minds of anyone listening, and that getting to the root of what we want to express, and painting a full vision of how we see things working, is the key to making gains. His research sits at a fascinating juncture of linguistics and cognitive neuroscience, and I'm looking forward to finding the time to actually do justice to the nuance of the argument.
All that to say, I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be Ella's primary caregiver, and I realize how significant everything flagged for me by the phrase "stay-at-home mom" is in some of the dissatisfaction I feel in this role. For me, particularly, the phrase "stay-at-home" has enormous connotations of boredom and constraint.
But, I also think that using "stay-at-home" has to do with the larger framing of the work/stay-home debate. It ties together the delight of being there to witness your child's early years and get to know them intimately and have the privilege of imparting your most cherished ideas and values to another young life with a deeply unsatisfying patriarchalist paradigm that dictates where exactly a woman's place is and what exactly she is good for. And it makes being with your children the marked case.
This is still only the chaotic seed of an idea. I do know, however, that keep my sanity, Ella and I are going to have to get out a little more. And if we do that, I'm going to need a new word for myself.